MY PRECIOUS ONES

My roses are blooming in the garden now. Their fragrance is over whelming. I can not sleep my pain is unbearable at times. I am scared of what is to come in my life. I pick up my grandchildren and I am afraid I will drop them. I want to go onto a mountain top and scream as loud as I can WHY! It has been 2 weeks since my momma has gone to be with our Lord. I miss her everyday. I miss waking up and calling her just to say I love you and see if she and daddy are okay. I want to go and sit in her room and feel her presence there, but I have not been able to. I starting cutting a rose from my garden and keeping it by my chair just to remember that she is still there. I miss you momma, I miss coming and laying my head in your lap while you brush my hair with you fingers and tell me it will be alright. I feel alone sometimes that no one can really understand the pain I feel. My illness is getting worse, I smile and try to push myself forward. There are times that just the feel of my close hurt me. The touch of the man I love so dearly hurts. I find myself listing to other people that have now gotten to the point they can hardly walk or do much at all. I am a fighter, I have a walker but refuse to use it. I don’t want to get that bad. I don’t talk about it to no one much. Because you see if you look at me I look the same, the pain is under my skin I just want to talk to momma she always made me feel as if it will be better some how. Just smile through the pain she says. Please read about Fibromyalgia, OA, Epilepsy, Scoliosis of the spine, Lupus and maybe you will understand what I am going through. I ask you this for only one reason, I don’t want pitty, I just what people to understand me. I need closeness and feel love and that I am not going through this alone. God said He would never leave me and I know he is still holding me up. Please love me for who I am not because what I am going through. I miss you, I miss holding your hand, I miss hugs and kisses, Just that I love you more than that! All my love my precious ones.
Written By: Melanie Howard Taylor